Life has felt awfully bleak lately.
I’m usually the type with a “Keep on trucking” attitude. It took me way longer to stop and wonder why I’ve felt that way than it should have.
I think after giving it some thought this last weekend though I’ve cracked the case.
something so simple yet so complex.
I’ve been lacking connection. How have I missed it for so long?
Sure I hang out with people, and I even go out of my way to talk to people I don’t know when I’m feeling extra social.
But maybe talking to people just isn’t enough.
I’ve been listening to my records a lot lately and all I can think about is back when I would have friends over just to sit and listen with me. That was really special. We would just sit and listen without having to say a word. It wouldn’t be awkward because we could just let ourselves be. Nothing mattered other than the fact that we were with each other and we had our music.
I know how cheesy that sounds, but it really meant a lot to me.
When I was really sick I had a few close friends that would come and visit me. I didn’t feel like talking so we wouldn’t talk much. Mostly just sit in the same room, sometimes watch movies, sometimes just listen to music, but mostly just be together.
A lot has changed since those days. The song Rivers and Roads by The Head and the Heart comes to mind. All my friends are gone away. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of great friends, but we’re just lacking the connections that my friends and I once had.
Maybe it’s wrong to look back to when times were different and think they were better, but I can’t seem to keep myself from thinking that way.
Lately I’ve been wishing a lot that I could go back to being a kid when connecting with people came so easily. The times when you would be on the playground and make friends with someone and five minutes later you can tell each other anything.
People I can trust with everything are harder to find these days. Maybe that’s because I’m more complex, or maybe it’s because I’m less trusting than I used to be. but whatever it is, I need to find someone like that soon.
This hasn’t really been much to read so if you got through it I applaud you.
I just felt like something had to be said and identifying the problem and making it visible for me has really helped me make a plan to overcome it so maybe it’ll help one of you.